


embraced by your wamrth, i'll always be here.

by Leeminlix



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:00:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28303464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leeminlix/pseuds/Leeminlix
Summary: Business not dealt with drags into current relationships and Soonyoung has to face every demon he'd had since his first boyfriend.
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Wen Jun Hui | Jun, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Kim Mingyu/Yoon Jeonghan (kinda if you squint), Past Jeon Wonwoo/Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi, Past Kim Mingyu/Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	embraced by your wamrth, i'll always be here.

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome ! 
> 
> If you're a reader from "love me, love me" [Mingyu-centric] I thank you for coming here to explore my other fics. If you're new then I extend my thanks for clicking here. 
> 
> Now, let me introduce you to the world of Kwon Soonyoung, owner of a dance studio at the age of 24, unable to escape the terrors of his past loves. 
> 
> Magic only exists in fiction? Well, let's see if the miracles will help our young one here. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the show. Now then, shall we start?

Soonyoung had gotten more warnings than he could count entering a relationship. They told him it was a mistake, that they’d forget him, that he wouldn’t be given attention.

But he ignored it all. When courting him, both Seungcheol and Jihoon had been so kind, so attentive, so sweet. He felt like someone to them.

Of course, Seungcheol and Jihoon had a head start with each other, but they never let him feel left out. Filling him in on old inside jokes, explaining funny stories, sharing embarrassing ones too.

Things were great.

They were.

So why was he feeling like this?

Soonyoung glanced at them occasionally from over the top of his laptop. Jihoon was curled up in Seungcheol’s lap, the younger working on his composition project while the elder was reading a book. They looked so comfortable, so at peace. So perfect.

_ Then why— _

He shook his head. No. He couldn’t let himself let those negative thoughts come back. Seungcheol and Jihoon loved him. They made sure he knew it. They loved him.

He spared another glance at them.

Right?

* * *

  
  


The next wave came when they went to the movies. Soonyoung could make out, even in the darkness of the theatre, Seungcheol burying his face into Jihoon’s shoulder, flinching every time something startling appeared on the screen.

Anytime Soonyoung attempted to do that Jihoon had shoved him away with a scowl.

He looked away, focusing on the popcorn. He flinched when the scene turned gruesome but simply looked away from the screen, digging his fingers into his palms.

* * *

  
  


“Looks like you’re being left behind, hyung.” joked Seokmin, both of them watching Seungcheol and Jihoon argue loudly over something.

If it were anyone else, they would’ve been shocked, but the friends could make out the fondness in Jihoon’s eyes and the telltale sign of a smile about to break out on Seungcheol’s face.

Soonyoung gave me a playful shove, ignoring the sinking feeling.

“The hyungs are so mean for excluding you, hyung.” joked Vernon, though everyone knew he wasn’t serious.

“Yeah, our Soonyoung-ie hyung is too cute to be left out.” continued Chan, squishing his cheeks together.

Soonyoung let out a mildly offended noise, muffled by Chan’s hands, making them all laugh.

Soonyoung couldn’t find it in himself to laugh genuinely.

* * *

Soonyoung didn’t notice the skies turning darker, or the streetlights turning on one by one. He was so focused on the song. He had one more verse to choreograph, and then he could record it. Then he could go home.

Well, he wouldn’t return to his apartment, Seungcheol and Jihoon had allowed him to come over, sending excitement into his veins.

He smiled at the thought of spending the night with them.

But one hour turned to two and then three. He stared at his reflection in frustration, hair damp with sweat and t-shirt soaked.

He ignored everything, pressing play again and watching his reflection move carefully. But something was off. Nothing felt right, no matter how many times he tried, nothing looked right.

He laid down on his side in the middle of the studio, staring at the wall blankly. Maybe he should turn in for the night, call someone to pick him up, shower, rest and he’d be okay by the next day.

But for some reason, he couldn’t get up. His body protested against any movement, too exhausted to do anything. His brain was shifting in and out of consciousness, a product of going too hard on himself.

He wondered what time it was. Was it late? Were Seungcheol and Jihoon waiting for him?

…did they even care?

He hated the self-doubt that had managed to grip him over the past month. It made him feel pathetic, always unsure and hesitant. That wasn’t him.

Soonyoung wasn’t timid and hesitant and quiet—no, Soonyoung was loud, cheerful, brave, daring.

He didn’t know how long he laid there, but he was brought out of his hazy state by urgent footsteps.

“Soonyoung!”

The man couldn’t lift his head, but luckily for him, they shuffled into his line of sight.

Soonyoung wanted to open his mouth, but he was so drained.

“Soonyoung, can you hear us?” asked Seungcheol, kneeling in front of him.

The younger moved his head slightly, eyes half-lidded.

Jihoon was over at the side, gathering his stuff.

“Can you get up?” asked Seungcheol softly.

Soonyoung’s eyes slowly became misty. He shook his head.

“It’s alright. It’s alright. I’ve got you, we’ve got you.”

Seungcheol slid his arms under the man’s neck and knees, gently lifting him. He paid no attention to the sweat.

Jihoon held the door open for them, before switching off the lights and locking it up.

Soonyoung shook slightly in Seungcheol’s arms, the cool wind hitting his sweaty skin, making him shiver.

Seungcheol was about to set him down in the front seat, but the whimper that left Soonyoung’s throat made them freeze.

“Want me to sit with you?” asked the elder softly, making him nod slightly.

Jihoon took the keys and started the engine, watching Soonyoung cling to Seungcheol out of the corner of his eyes.

They reached home soon, bringing Soonyoung to their bedroom. Jihoon rushed to get him some water while Seungcheol set him down gently. Soonyoung’s tears started falling, successfully sending them into panic mode.

“What’s wrong? Is everything okay?” asked Seungcheol, cupping his cheeks.

Soonyoung shook his head, but his tears wouldn’t stop. Jihoon helped him drink water, four cups to be exact before Soonyoung could finally speak.

“How did you find me?”

“We got worried when it was midnight, but it’s normal for you to stay longer, you told us about choreographing the dance. Then it got later, and we got more worried. We called up Jun, and he said the last time he’d seen you, you were the studio. So we rushed over.”

The man sighed, wiping his tears. But it was of no use because fresh tears took their place.

“Soonyoung…are you okay? We’re worried.” said Seungcheol softly.

“I—” he frowned, not sure how to tell them.

“Don’t hesitate,” said Jihoon. “Just tell us.”

“Do you love me?” he asked, his voice barely audible.

Seungcheol and Jihoon froze. “What?”

“Do you love me? Like actually?” he whispered, tears surfacing again. He dug his nails into his palms.

“Wh—I don’t get it—”

“I-It’s not just me.” he started, voice already wobbling. “Everyone. All they do is talk about how I’m the odd one out and how you guys are leaving me out, and—and—” he closed his eyes tightly, trying to calm down.

“Why do I feel like an extra?” he cried, head bowed as his tears fell onto the fabric of his sweatpants. “Why do I feel so unneeded and like I shouldn’t be here? T-This isn’t how it’s supposed to go. Right?”

“Soonie…” whispered Seungcheol sadly.

“Why wouldn’t you tell us?” said Jihoon, making Soonyoung flinch.

“Hoon—” said Seungcheol, trying to warn him.

“I don’t get it, he should trust us enough to tell us when he’s feeling left out instead of listening to those idiots’ bullcrap!” he said, an accusing finger pointed at Soonyoung.

“Jihoon—”

“So, I want to know why you didn’t tell us!” he continued, stubbornly. “There’s no way this works if you don’t speak up when you need to, you’re supposed to tell us stuff like this!”

Soonyoung had turned frighteningly still, his fingers gripping his sweatpants.

“So what you’re trying to tell me is…this is all my fault?” he asked, his voice rigid.

Seunghceol’s eyes widened. “No, Soonyoung ple—”

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m saying. We didn’t have this problem before so—”

“Jihoon!” cried Seungcheol, shocked.

But what shocked him, even more, was the small chuckle that left Soonyoung’s lips.

“Of course.  _ Of course.  _ What else would’ve happened?” he muttered to himself, a bitter smile on his face.

His exhausted eyes and negative smile seemed foreign to them. He stumbled to his feet, making Seungcheol reach out to steady him. But Soonyoung reeled away from him, as if he was a stranger, glaring at them.

“Don’t touch me.” he hissed.

“Soon—”

“Hey, what’s that tone! Seungcheol didn’t do anything wrong!” spit Jihoon.

Seungcheol frowned. “Jihoon, you’re making it—”

“Is it your personal goal to make everything my fault today, Lee?”

“Maybe I had to do that because you’re too dumb to realise it yourself, Kwon.” sneered Jihoon.

The eldest felt dread pool in the pit of his stomach. He had to stop this now or—

“ _ I’m  _ the dumb one? As if you have more intellect than me in that tiny brain of yours!” Soonyoung yelled.

“Huh?! I’M DEFINITELY SMARTER THAN  _ YOU _ !”

“YOU  _ ASSHOLE _ —”

“ _ MAYBE  _ IF YOU WEREN’T BEING ALL  _ SELFISH _ AND ACTING LIKE SUCH AN  _ ATTENTION SEEKER _ BY EXPECTING US TO FIGURE OUT HOW YOU WERE FEELING ALL THIS SHIT WOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED—”

“ _ LEE JIHOON! KWON SOONYOUNG! SHUT YOUR MOUTHS THIS INSTANT!” _

They froze, staring at Seungcheol who was now heaving.

Soonyoung’s brain replayed that one sentence over and over again. Something cracked in him, a familiar feeling he hadn’t felt in a while. Something he’d tried so hard to get rid of. Just like that, from one sentence, it was back.

He took in a breath, trying to conceal his shaking hands by shoving them into his pockets.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have started yelling or insulting you.” he said quietly, catching them off guard.

“Soonyoung—”

“He’s right anyway. I shouldn’t have expected you guys to read my mind or anything. I should’ve come forward and talked about it like an adult. It’s my fault.” he said, giving them a weak smile and a laugh.

Seungcheol blinked at him. That laugh…why did it seem so odd?

Jihoon huffed.

“Now that—”

“Let’s end this.”

The pair blinked. Had they heard him, right? Did Soonyoung just ask them to—

“What?”

“This clearly isn’t working. And I’m causing more trouble than relief here. I guess you guys will have to keep looking for someone—someone better.”

“W-Wait, Soonyoung we—”

“It’s better I just remove myself from the equation right? As Jihoon said, none of this happened before I came.”

“Back then it was just us and—”

Soonyoung shrugged. “It’s probably for the better. We…butt heads too much for it to be normal. Wouldn’t it—I just make things worse?”

They stared at him.

“I’ll walk home. I don’t live far. And lucky for us, I haven’t come round here enough times to start leaving my stuff here, so there’s nothing to collect. I’ll be out of your hair...”

They felt something cold settle in their veins as the man gave them a tight smile. “As if I was never here.”

Soonyoung was gone in three minutes, leaving only a heavy silence in the room.

“That’s not—I didn’t—” Jihoon slid to the floor, his eyes vacant.

Seungcheol stared at the door as if expecting Soonyoung to jump out from behind it with his signature grin, cackling about how it was all a joke.

But he didn’t.

They lost him.

* * *

Soonyoung had almost forgotten how he spent time before he met Seungcheol and Jihoon. Now he found himself with too much time on his hands, something that he deemed too dangerous.

Free time meant a window of opportunity for his brain to run wild, and that was the last thing he wanted.

So he did what he always did. He threw himself into work, going to the studio early in the morning and leaving late at night. His brain didn’t have time to bother him because the moment he reached home, his head hit the pillow, and he was out like a light.

He didn’t give himself a minute of rest, pumping out routine after routine. It was something he hadn’t experienced in a while, but bad memories bring back bad habits and maybe Soonyoung was too weak to let himself feel anything at that point.

Obviously, his friends stepped in to stop him.

“You’re ruining yourself again!” yelled Seungkwan, held back by Jun.

“Don’t bother, Seungkwan. You know nothing can stop me.” he said, giving them a sarcastic smile.

“Wait and watch! Who the fuck said nothing could stop you, I’ll beat sense into you if I have to! I can do it right now!” roared the younger, straining against Jun’s hands.

It was always like this. Seungkwan would explode, yell at the man, and try to get him back.

“Kwan.” warned Jun, but he was ignored.

“I’m not gonna let you become like that again.” said Seungkwan through grit teeth.

“What if it’s too late, Kwan.” Soonyoung’s face fell, revealing how tired he truly was. His eyes had lost their sparkle; cheeks had become thinner, eyebags had become darker.

Seungkwan stared at him with some sort of desperation. But Soonyoung just shook his head and walked away.

He returned to the studio and shut the door behind him, silently turning the lock. He kicked off his shoes, hitting play on his playlist, increasing the volume, trying to drown out his thoughts.

He grit his teeth as the piano sounds bounced off the walls. He couldn’t just crumble here. He couldn’t. He  _ wouldn’t. _

But he fell to the floor, already in tears. Two weeks. It wasn’t enough to heal, definitely not when you repress your feelings and refuse to let yourself feel.

The same song played over and over again, accompanying Soonyoung’s sobs.

_ ‘You…honestly you’re like an attention seeker. A magnet for the spotlight…I’m sorry Soonyoung, but I can’t be with someone like that.’ _

That was what he had said, right? His first boyfriend…

Jeon Wonwoo.

Wonwoo had always been serious, always keeping to himself, preferring a new book to a party. Soonyoung was the opposite. He thrived off of noise, excitement, it was like a drug to him, intoxicating.

You know how they say opposites attract, right? Wonwoo found himself drawn to Soonyoung’s infinite energy, bright disposition, and cheery outlook on everything. Soonyoung was attracted to Wonwoo’s cold demeanour, his rational brain, his calming presence.

But soon Wonwoo got tired of the human embodiment of energy and excitement and left.

But with him, he took the power source and Soonyoung became a bulb with no light. He beat himself up over and over again, wondering why Wonwoo left, how he made Wonwoo leave.

It took him time, but with Seungkwan and Jun’s help, he slowly came to accept it.

_ “Some people seem like good fits in the beginning, right? But as humans, we aren’t puzzle pieces. We’re clay, moulding ourselves to fit with others. So like clay, we can change, and that’s what happened with you two. But you can find another person to mesh with. You have a lot of time ahead of you, our Hoshi. Why would you stop here?” Jun murmured, running his hands through Soonyoung’s hair gently. _

For a while, he mulled over the words. Jun was right. So he patched himself back together, piece by piece. He met Chan and Vernon, let his heart heal, and started dancing with a more healthy schedule. He was better.

Then he met Kim Mingyu.

Kim Mingyu was everything any human being would ever want. With god-like proportions, the cutest little fangs, an adorable puppy face, loud, boisterous laughs…Soonyoung loved him.

_ “I was so sure you hated me!” he confessed, ears turning pink. _

_ Soonyoung giggled, kissing his cheek. “How could I ever hate you, Gyu?” _

And he was right. How could Soonyoung ever hate the man? Even after he left, with a long written apology, admitting how Soonyoung’s insecurities made him fatigued and made him feel trapped. Soonyoung’s apologetic tears ruined the ink, but he’d read it all, the guilt and sadness sitting like a rock in his lungs.

This time, however, he hid everything. Seungkwan and Jun asked multiple times, whether he was okay.

He let them know just enough not to worry them.

_ “It still hurts.” he whispered softly. His smile was sad. “But I think I’ll be okay. Mingyu was good to me. I’ll just need time.” _

He felt like his heart had been clawed. He had no one to blame for the past two unhappy relationships but himself.

_ ‘Your tendency to show everything off.’ _

_ ‘Felt so trapped.’ _

_ ‘I’m sorry, I can’t stay.’ _

It was his fault. He let his past bleed into the present and let it affect him too much.

Of course, internalising his feelings was something his friends had always told him never to do. So one day, the currents were too strong, and the dam broke.

Soonyoung collapsed in the middle studio, thanks to his ankle wobbling, and crashed to the floor.

Everyone was at his side in seconds, trying to call out to him as he clutched his throbbing ankle.

_ “Soonyoung? Soonyoung! Soonyoung can you hear us?!” _

Soon he was seated on the small couch in the room, had drunk water and finally was thinking straight.

And he teared up.

Fat tears started rolling down his cheeks as he cried into Jun’s chest. He clutched the Jun’s shirt tightly as if scared he would disappear too. His entire body shook with his sobs, scaring a lot of the younger kids.

Vernon called Seungkwan, who came running—sprinting to the studio. He threw his scarf and bag aside, not caring where it fell and dropped next to Soonyoung and Jun, engulfing them in the tightest hug he could manage. He felt Soonyoung’s hand clutch him too.

Seungkwan ordered him a week of rest, no questions asked. Soonyoung didn’t argue.

Two days later they found him on his bed, pale and sick, motionless.

_ “You’re ruining yourself, you’re letting yourself wither, you’re—” Seungkwan seethed. _

_ “I don’t care!” Soonyoung yelled. “I don’t fucking care anymore, Seungkwan!” _

_Seungkwan grabbed him by the collar._ _“Well, you fucking should, Kwon Soonyoung! I will not let my best friend slip right through my fucking fingers and let go like this. I will NOT!”_

_ Soonyoung teared up _ .  _ “Why not?” he whispered. _

It was so stupid. Destroying yourself over love. Something that wasn’t even an imperative emotion, a cumulation of emotions tricking your brain into thinking that it matters. The butterflies, the warmth, the fluttering, the smiles, the kisses, the hugs, the cuddles, the love. What was it worth? Was it worth tearing himself up over?

Soonyoung crumbled in Seungkwan’s arms. He let everything spill, the last time he saw Mingyu, the letter, the hours of painful self-doubt, the sadness, the guilt.

_“It’s not your fault.”_ _said Junhui, shaking his head._

_“It is.” he cried._ _“It’s all me. It’s my fault. I didn’t do it right.”_

_ “No Soonie, don’t you realise. There is no ‘right’.” he said, tearing up. His heart hurt, seeing his best friend breaking. “There is no ‘right’ when it comes to this stuff. Mingyu felt ‘burdened’ and ‘trapped’, but he never made an effort to understand where you came from. He saw your beautiful, flawless side but looked away from your flaws. That’s not how it works. He was supposed to embrace every part of you.” _

_ “He was wrong.” _

* * *

Soonyoung pulled his coat around himself a bit tighter, as the wind picked up for a second. Winter had set in, bringing with it, the unbearable cold. It was not like he hated winter, but he could really use a hot chocolate and the warmth of a cafe.

It had been a month since he last saw Seungcheol and Jihoon. Junhui and Seungkwan had spoken to them, a conversation unknown to Soonyoung. But they didn’t bother him, and the dancer was happy to wallow in his own self-pity and sadness.

He hummed to himself, opening the door to the cafe, and sighing at the warmth that hit his face.

The cold slipped out of him, making him smile a bit. Waltzing to the counter, he gave the cashier a bright smile.

“Hi! What can I get for you today?” greeted the woman.

“Hi, can I have one hot chocolate and a chocolate chip cookie?”

She nodded. After handing the money and giving his name, he settled somewhere on the side and nibbled on his cookie.

“Yeah, Kwan.” he said into his speaker.

_ “Hyung, the studio’s in a bit of a mess, so we’re cleaning it up, Don’t come back for a while.” _

Soonyoung frowned. “You…You and Junhwi didn’t do anything in the room, right?” he asked, suspicious.

He heard Seungkwan splutter.  _ “Y-You—Nothing happened! Myungho hyung was here earlier and made a mess with paint, so we’re cleaning it up!” he hissed. _

“Alright, alright I was kidding, don’t worry~” he cooed, earning a scoff.

_ “Anyway! Don’t come back to the studio for a while. You’ll probably faint if you see how it is right now. Okay?” _

“Okay,  _ mom. _ ”

_ “Bitch.”  _ the younger muttered before cutting the call.

Soonyoung chuckled under his breath, before pocketing his phone. It took a few more minutes, but finally, his name was called.

“Kwon Soonyoung? A large hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookie for Kwon Soonyoung?”

He raised his hand, eagerly making his way back to the counter. “Ah! Thank you so much!”

The woman smiled at his enthusiasm. “Have a great day, Soonyoung-ssi.”

“You too, ma’am~”

As he turned around to find a seat, he found two men blocking his way. “Uhm—”

“Soonyoung?”

“Is that really you, hyung?”

Soonyoung looked up from his treat before freezing.

“Wonwoo…and Mingyu?” he whispered, shocked.

The younger gave him an uncertain smile. “Hi hyung.”

The dancer blinked. “W-What are you guys doing here?”

“We’re visiting for break.” said Wonwoo, cautiously.

He nodded slowly. “Okay well, I hope you guys have a great time, I’ll get—”

“Actually Soonyoung. We were hoping we could catch up.”

His grip on his drink tightened. But what use would it be to run away?

“…okay.”

Mingyu visibly brightened while Wonwoo smiled slightly. They led him back to their table, and an awkward silence ensued.

Soonyoung sighed internally, mind drifting to two people he’d rather be talking to. But they weren’t by his side anymore.

“How have you been?”

He hummed, taking a sip of his hot chocolate, relaxing as the warmth spread through his system. “Pretty good. The studio’s doing well, life’s been more or less peaceful. What about you guys?”

Mingyu nodded. “I have a job at a restaurant in Busan.” he said, smiling proudly. “As head chef.”

Soonyoung gasped. “That’s amazing! I told you your cooking would steal hearts in the future.” he said, smiling proudly. “What about you Won?”

Wonwoo smiled slightly. “In the process of writing my first book. I have a few friends in publishing companies, and they’ve been showing my works to the editors...one of them agreed to consider mine when it’s done.” he said. 

Wonwoo was soft-spoken, but you could see the pride and excitement in his glittering eyes. 

“That’s amazing.” he breathed out. “I can’t believe I’m gonna be able to say I know a famous writer.”

“Soon, I haven’t even finished writing it.”

“Technicalities.” he said, taking another sip. 

The pair chuckled fondly at the dancer. 

“It’s been so long…” he said wistfully. “Things really have changed, huh?”

“Soonyoung...the reason we came back isn’t just for a holiday…” said Wonwoo, now serious. 

Soonyoung frowned. “What?”

Mingyu sighed. “We were surprised, when we received a call from two men, about...you.” he started. “They told us that...that we hurt you more than we realised...and we needed to set things straight.”

Soonyoung stared at them. 

“Jihoon and Seungcheol, was it?”

He froze. Jihoon and Seungcheol? Called Wonwoo and Mingyu? Why? How do they even know them? Who told them? Wh-

“Soon, I can hear you overthinking.” said Wonwoo softly. 

“You can’t expect me to not overthink.” he whispered, clutching his cup a little too tight. 

“We know.” said Mingyu, just as soft. 

“We’re sorry.”

Soonyoung grit his teeth. “Guys-”

“You deserve this much Soonyoung. We were dumb kids. Too shallow and naive. We hurt you too much. We have to apologize. Not for us, but for you.”

Wonwoo sighed. “The whole reason I fell in love with you was because of your shine.”

“My...shine?”

“When you perform, it’s like a flame is it. You’re so bright, so powerful. You always shine on stage; it’s unrivalled. I fell in love with that confidence, that glow, that shine. And...I let it go too.”

Soonyoung listened quietly. It was probably the first time he would hear this and the last. He took it in. Something lifted from his chest, making it feel the tiniest bit lighter.

“I don’t know why I did, but I know my explanation hurt you a lot. I never wanted that to happen. You’re the last person I wanted to hurt. I loved you a lot, Soon. At that point, you were my best friend. You made me so happy. 

Nothing will justify how I hurt you. I-I guess I let my insecurities get the best of me, and the rumours, the things people said…”

That caught his attention. 

“Rumours?”

Wonwoo gave him a crooked smile. “How can two opposites ever get along. Soonyoung’s definitely going to get tired of him. Why would the dance captain ever settle for the nerd?” he laughed. “Sounds so cliche but I guess I wasn’t as immune as I thought.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he breathed out, staring at him. 

“I didn’t want to worry you. I knew you would definitely put them in their place...but I was worried about what new rumours would spark. How I get my boyfriend to deal with anything I’m not strong enough to handle.” 

He leaned back. “Stupid, right?”

“Incredibly stupid.” said Soonyoung. “I could’ve helped! And made you feel better! Because I loved you then Wonwoo. Not just as your boyfriend but as your friend, someone close to you, I loved you so much.” he protested, tearing up. 

“I know. Well, now I do.” he said, frowning. “But I hurt you so bad. I’m so sorry, Soon. You didn’t deserve any of that. You were, and still are, so loveable and amazing…You deserve every bit of love anyone gives you.”

Soonyoung sniffled. “You idiot. You realise we could’ve fixed this years ago if you hadn’t run?” he asked, a watery grin on his face. 

“Yeah, if only I had trusted you enough.” agreed Wonwoo. 

“And then I happened.” said Mingyu, head bowed. 

“It was foolish of me, hyung.” he whispered. “And I only realised it after I met someone.”

Soonyoung leaned forward slightly. “Someone?”

“Yoon Jeonghan...he kinda set me straight. Gave me probably the biggest scolding of my life when I admitted what I did, and then said he wanted to meet you. I was so obsessed with finding the picture-perfect jigsaw puzzle relationship that I hurt you.”

Soonyoung’s eyes widened. That was part of Jun’s motto, wasn’t it?

_ “People expect their lives to be like the movies. They expect to find some who’s the perfect fit for them. Someone to give them a perfect relationship. Someone they won’t fight with and will love no matter what. But I think that’s the most flawed ideology ever.” the man confessed.  _

_ “What do you mean?” asked Soonyoung, resting his chin against his palm.  _

_ “Do you remember how everyone was betting on Kwan and I, trying to figure out how long it would take for us to break up?” _

_ “Yeah…that was rude.” he said, wrinkling his nose.  _

_ “No one saw Kwan and me like puzzle pieces that fit together. We didn’t get along at first, Kwan’s loud and demanding and in the spotlight, while I’m soft and submissive and in the shadows. He speaks out when he feels something isn’t right, and I just let it happen. We’re too different, right? And not in the ‘opposites attract’ way, because that just means complementing personalities. In the ‘they would clash for every single discussion’ way.” _

_ “Now that I think about it…” _

_ Jun smiled in a way that couldn’t be described by any other word besides fond. “The reason we haven’t broken is that we constantly adjust ourselves to the other. We knew we were both rigid in our own ways, but we had to adjust to be together. Mould ourselves to accept each other’s habits and natures. Like my need for physical affection and his need for verbal affirmations.” _

_ Soonyoung hummed thoughtfully. “You didn’t just expect to slot together and be the perfect fit but adjusted and changed to become each other’s perfect fit?” _

_ “That’s definitely one way to say it. To make it cheesier…” _

_ Jun grinned. “We’re like each other’s imperfect fits.” _

“Imperfect fits…”

“Huh?”

Soonyoung shook his head. “I was thinking of what Jun told me once when Wonwoo broke up with me.  _ ‘But as humans, we aren’t puzzle pieces. We’re clay, moulding ourselves to fit with others. So like clay, we can change, and that’s what happened with you two.’ _ ”

Wonwoo hummed. “He makes a lot of sense.”

“He does,” laughed Soonyoung. 

Mingyu was quiet before making a noise of agreement. 

“We’re sorry, hyung.”

Soonyoung took a sip of his now warm drink. “...okay.”

“Okay?”

The dancer nodded. “I can’t forgive you easily, because my current relationship burnt because of my insecurities caused by these two relationships. However,”

He smiled at them. 

“I love you both still. As my dearest friends, who gave me a lot of precious memories too. And I still cherish the happiness you gave me then.” he paused. “You made past Soonyoung very happy.”

Wonwoo looked momentarily stunned before regaining his composure.

“I can’t forgive you just yet. But I can accept your apology and allow myself to forgive me first. And then hopefully…we can go back to how we were back then.” he said softly. 

His head shot up when he heard a sniffle. “Wh-Mingyu are you  _ crying _ ?!”

“Hyung!” wailed Mingyu. “I’m so sorry!”

“I said it’s okay, why are you crying, you dork-” he cried, hurriedly wiping the younger’s tears. 

Wonwoo smiled softly at the sight of Soonyoung frantically trying to calm Mingyu down while the younger sobbed into the tissue he was handed. 

“Oh and Soonie.”

“Yes?”

“I don’t know when you will feel okay enough to, but eventually, talk to them.”

Soonyoung froze. 

“Right now it may seem like the last thing you want to do, but the four of us know you still love them a lot. It doesn’t have to be now,” he smiled knowingly. “But eventually. When you’re ready.”

Soonyoung didn’t know when he’d be ready but he nodded nonetheless. 

* * *

Christmas came soon enough. The much appreciated white Christmas made its appearance, blanketing the city in a mystical white haze. Christmas morning Soonyoung couldn’t find it in himself to get out of his warm bed, where he was bundled up in too many blankets. 

However, the doorbell rang, making him groan. Who in the world would ring the doorbell at eight in the morning on Christmas? He grumbled, clearly annoyed. 

Hiking the blanket onto his shoulders, he wrapped it around him snugly and waddled off to his door. 

As he made his way to the entrance, he mentally practised the chiding he would give the stranger. First of all, it’s Christmas, and he’s alone so he should be allowed to sulk in bed for as long as he could! And it was freezing in the morning too, which evil being was sane enough to get up and  _ step out of the house _ in this weather?! 

He reached out and yanked the door open just as the bell sounded again. 

“What the hell are you-”

He froze. 

“Hey.”

They smiled. 

“Can we come in?”

Soonyoung stood, shocked, clutching the knob of his door. 

“Soonyoung?”

He stared at Jihoon and Seungcheol before snapping out of his daze. 

“It’s eight am. It's positively freezing. And it's Christmas.” he said flatly, resting a hand on his hips. “You better have something to make this worth my time and sleep.” 

The couple exchanged a look before bringing a few items from behind their backs. 

“Is hot chocolate, a plushie and a fluffy blanket enough of compensation?” asked Seungcheol, smile hopeful, resembling the expression of a dog looking for permission from their owner. 

Soonyoung sighed, saying nothing but leaving the door open and for them to follow him. He rolled his eyes when he heard them whisper cheers to each other, but nothing could stop the warmth of fondness from spreading in his chest. 

He curled on the couch, watching as they took a seat right across for him. 

“Well?” he said, raising an eyebrow. He was aware he was borderline rude and unwelcoming but it had been a bit over three weeks since he met Wonwoo and Mingyu, and he was still taking it slow. 

Jihoon sighed before removing the fluffy scarf that covered him from his neck's base to his nose. “We wanted to talk.”

But Soonyoung wasn’t listening. He was staring in horror, at the thing on Jihoon’s cheek. 

“What’s the fuck.”

The couple stared at him worriedly, seeing how pale he’d become. As if in a trance, he shrugged off the blanket and crossed the living room in quick strides. 

Jihoon stared at him, confused when he neared so quickly. Soonyoung reached and grasped his face with the speed of a ninja, surprising both of them. 

“What in the name of fuckery happened to your face?!” he gasped, scrutinizing it. 

To his surprise, Jihoon chuckled awkwardly. “I’m not sure you want to know.”

Soonyoung frowned, wracking his brain for a possible cause. Then it hit him. 

He stomped to his phone, grabbing it and punching in a number with concerning aggression. 

**“Boo Seungkwan!”**

The man groaned.  _ “Hyung it’s Christmas isn’t it too early for you shenanigans?” _

“I’m sorry  _ my  _ shenanigans? Why don’t you tell me about  _ your  _ shenanigans, you idiot!”

_ “What? What do you mean?” _

“I’m talking about the goddamn awful bruise on one of my exes’ cheeks!”

_ “Oh.” _

“Yeah, _‘Oh’_ , thank you for telling me about that?”

_ “It was in the heat of the moment-” _

“As if that justifies-”

_ “Once I heard what they said to you, I had to!”  _ he snapped.  _ “You think I’d be able to calmly take it after hearing what they said?!” _

Soonyoung fell silent. “...you know?”

_ “Of course, I know. They came and told us themselves.” _

“Then Mingyu and Wonwoo-”

_ “Was because we told them.” _

“Kwan-”

_ “They needed to know exactly why it happened and how much they fucked up, hyung. They hurt you. They needed to know the degree to which they fucked up.” _

“...fine.”

_ “Are they in your house right now?” _

Soonyoung glanced at their concerned and guilty expressions. 

“They are.”

_ “Well tell them that if they don’t go through with it, they’re gonna have  _ couple bruises _.” _

“ _ Kwan- _ ”

_ Click.  _

He sighed, pocketing his phone.

“Anything wrong?” asked Seungcheol, clearly nervous.

Soonyoung sighed again, settling back into his original position with his blanket. “No…Seungkwan told me to tell you that if you didn’t go through with the plan, then you guys would get matching bruises?” he said, confused. 

Seungcheol’s smile wavered. “Ah, yes. We’ll…keep that in mind.”

“Well, what’s this plan of yours?”

“It’s currently in action.” said Jihoon, looking serious. 

“We came to apologize, Soonyoung.”

Soonyoung hummed. He’d been getting a lot of apologies this month, huh? Mingyu, Wonwoo, Jihoon and Seungcheol…

“Alright then.” he said, adjusting the blanket around him. “What are you gonna do about this?”

They blinked at him, clearly not expecting that answer. 

“Mingyu and Wonwoo came, which you know since you called them, and apologised. They explained what happened from their sides. But I haven’t forgiven them. Because all these years I blamed myself for everything that went wrong with my relationships, not realising that it could’ve been something else.” he said. He was proud of himself for not wavering even a bit. 

“So you should understand that when you said that it triggered me into returning to my old headspace. And to be honest, without Jun and Kwan, I would’ve never gotten through those days.”

“...we know.” whispered Jihoon, whose head was bowed. 

“Do you, Jihoon?” he asked, biting the inside of his cheek. “Because I won’t lie, half of my insecurities stemmed from you.”

The shorter’s eyes widened in what could be understood as devastation. 

“It felt like I never saw the Jihoon who confessed to me again. Of course, I can take a joke, but when I saw the difference with how you treated hyung and then me, it hurt.”

Soonyoung breathed in through his nose, silently praying he wouldn’t burst into tears. “Because…sometimes I wanted to feel loved too.” he whispered. “And then I started doubting stuff, and then there are our friends. Of course, they were joking too but it just  _ really  _ sucks when you can’t even trust your own words.”

His fingers curled into his fist in an attempt to will the tears away. “My first thought when I left the house was ‘oh fuck I did it again’ because I’m so fucking  _ used to _ being left. I was always convinced that it was me, it was always me, I was the problem, and everyone left because I couldn’t do it.”

“You guys know what Jun and Kwan told you, but knowing them, they would’ve glossed over parts they didn’t want to let you know. After Mingyu, I had basically thrown myself away. I didn’t think it was worth it, because in my mind people were hurt by me.”

He looked at Jihoon through teary eyes. “Did you really know?”

The man stared back, unable to say anything. 

“And hyung,” Seungcheol pressed his lips together as if waiting for the pain. “You didn’t do anything.” 

“You would laugh, and treat me well, and dote on me and do everything but you never did anything about this, so it was like I was making it a big deal.”

“I’m sorry. I should’ve known.” he said softly, lowering his head. 

“Do you know the worst part of all of this?” he asks softly. 

They stared at him attentively. 

A pathetic excuse of a laugh leaves his lips. “After all of this, I still trust the looks that you guys held when you asked me out. After all this, I’m still undeniably in love with you guys.” 

“I’m so sorry.”

Soonyoung looks up. He blanked at the sight of tears, rolling down Jihoon’s cheeks. In all the time he’d known Jihoon (approximately two and a half years) he’d never seen him cry for  _ anything. _

“I’m so sorry I never considered your feelings. I’m sorry I pushed into such a terrible mental state. I’m sorry I was such an asshole and never stopped to even think about the consequences. I’m so sorry.”

Soonyoung feels something shift in his chest, making him feel warm and relieved at the same time. 

Jihoon did not attempt to wipe his cheeks. “I’m sorry, Kwon Soonyoung, that I never truly expressed how much I love you.”

Soonyoung’s eyes widened a fraction. 

_ “I love you so much. I really do.” _

He couldn’t stop the tears from falling. Jihoon continued. 

“When hyung brought up asking you out, I was terrified. I didn’t know whether you would be okay with all this and I didn’t want to lose you, even as a friend. And when you said yes, I thought it was the best day of my life. I had both the loves of my life. I was so happy.”

Jihoon straightened, determined. “I loved you so much. And I still do. So much, my heart aches whenever I think of you. It makes me feel like my heart is about to burst out of my chest when I think of you.”

“You’re like the sun to me.”

Soonyoung stared at him, letting it all sink.  _ I love you.  _

He turned his gaze to Seungcheol when the elder cleared his throat. 

“I’m sorry too. I should’ve asked you, helped you, seen it sooner. I love you so much, Soonie. When I saw Jihoon and you smiling together, so happy, I didn’t think I could ever be happier. You guys truly are, the lights of my life. And these two months we…we were talking between ourselves a lot. Truly understanding where you came from. We talked to Wonwoo and Mingyu, finally realising what a grave mistake we made.”

He took in a deep breath. “We won’t ever rush you to make a decision, but we…we love you a lot. Will you let us make it up to you, fix this, be yours?”

Soonyoung as a kid believed in a lot of things. He believed in superheroes, Santa, the Tooth Fairy...he believed in Christmas miracles. Thanks to failed promises and broken hearts, he lost the belief and the magic over the years. 

Today, he stared at the people in front of him, two men he loved so much, and once again started to believe. 

He couldn't stop himself from flinging himself into their arms. The men stiffened, surprised, before hugging him tightly. 

“You guys better not fuck it up this time.” he cried. “I think I’ve had enough heartbreak for a lifetime.

Behind his back, the two exchanged pleased, joyful smiles. 

“We would never dream of it.”

* * *

Soonyoung breathed into his palms harshly. Why his boyfriends had decided that this Christmas of all Christmases was the best to go out was beyond him. It was the coldest Christmas they’d had in five years! They were insane for bringing him out of the house. 

After that day, they were now three years into the future. A lot had changed. They all lived together now, Jihoon had gotten signed as a fulltime producer at a company. Soonyoung’s studio had been doing better than ever. Seungcheol, Wonwoo, Mingyu and Vernon had hit it off well and were making tracks together, steadily racking up fans. 

“Soonyoung!” “Soonie!”

Soonyoung turned, a pout evident on his face. “Idiots! Do you even know how cold it is out here, making me stand here what in the world-”

Jihoon cut him off swiftly, with a sweet kiss. 

“You can’t keep shutting me up with kisses.” grumbled the dancer. 

“I don’t think you’ve been complaining, though.” pointed out Seungcheol with a laugh. Soonyoung pouted harder in his direction, clearly asking for a kiss from the elder too. With another laugh, Seungcheol complied happily. 

“So why did you bring my poor self here? To freeze me to death?” he asked, squeezing himself between them to feel warmer. 

Seungcheol tucked a piece of Soonyoung’s hair behind his ear, smiling fondly. “We actually had something for you.”

“Hm?”

“Ready Hoonie?”

The shorter nodded, pulling something out of his pocket. Soonyoung watched, shell shocked as the both of them went on one knee together, the tiny box laying open on their joint hands. 

“Do you know where we are, sunshine?”

“The park?” was his faint answer. 

“The place the three met together for the first time as a couple.” supplied Jihoon with a cute smile. 

“Right!” murmured Soonyoung, realisation hitting him like a truck. 

“Technically, the three of us can’t legally get married, but having a small ceremony with our friends and family just to establish our love doesn’t sound so bad, right?” explained Seungcheol. 

Soonyoung bit his lip, nodding. 

“Then, Kwon Soonyoung, will you marry us?”

The dancer nodded again, this time harder, making them laugh. They got up, slipping the finger onto his finger. 

“What about your rings?” he asked, voice wet from the tears. 

Jihoon and Seungcheol held out their hands, similar rings glittering on their fingers. 

“Oh-Oh wow.”

Soonyoung leaned forward pressing kisses to both their lips with fervour. “I love you both. So much. Oh my god, I’m gonna cry, I love you both so much.”

“Worth your body almost freezing?” teased Jihoon. 

Soonyoung grasped their hands and intertwined their fingers. “I have the rest of my life for you guys to keep me warm, don’t I?” he said lightly. 

Their eyes widened slightly before they turned fond. 

“Of course.” said Jihoon. 

Seungcheol hummed squeezing his hand. 

  
_ "I lost you both to the biting cold.  _

_ At the start of the chilly months _

_ And thought I would be alone.  _

_ Finally, I’ve let go of my every fear. _

_ Embraced by your warmth,  _

_ I’ll always be here." _

**Author's Note:**

> Hello !
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the story, it was quite a bit to write. Thank you to Ruby for reading through the entire fic as always, and also supporting me so enthusiastically. 
> 
> Now, the story of our eager dancer has come to a close. I do hope you enjoyed your time here. I will be eagerly anticipating your audience in the next universe. But for now, we shall part here. 
> 
> Farewell, my readers. Till the next one~  
> Juni.


End file.
